hullo. I concluded this is a bad year for relationships. It's gonna be a long post so i'm warning you.

Terence cried during lab today because he's gonna break up with his gf on their half year anniversary this tues. All of those around him felt really sour and i felt like crying too. He told us that his gf likes someone else already so he felt there's no point dragging anymore. Gosh i can tell that he really loves her alot. He's gonna make her something for their last anniversary. I actually asked him what would he do if the girl asked for another chance. He said he'll give in. Seriously i dont think i have a heart as big as yours. If my guy likes someone else, it'll totally drive me crazy. Even now, i am devastated because i didnt know i can be so easily replaced by someone else.

When his girl was sick, he bought her all the different flavours of Strepsils because he didnt know what flavour she likes. Tell me which guy will do that. I really didnt know what to say to him because my situation is equally bad too. I think it takes two hands to clap in a relationship. Whatever it is, i feel that both parties should always try till they think it cant work anymore. No matter what, fate brings 2 ppl together and we shouldnt give up so easily because you dont wana regret right? CHEER UP TERENCE! I'm sure she'll be touched by whatever you did for her and she'll realise her mistakes too. (:

Pearlywurly called yesterday and we talked like never before. Even though she's really bad at consoling ppl, i swear her silliness makes up for everything else. I HEART YOU BABE. I think she has the same thinking as me. We'll both go into relationships only when we believe that partner is suitable for marriage. I know this is like so old-fashioned thinking but what's the point of having a bf when you know it wont last? Think about it.

My parents are like the besttt in the world. They are so understanding and mummy always make me feel better when i cry. I know how helpless she gets when i starts to tear. I'm sorry mummy to make you worry. I'm always giving you so much problems ever since young. I promise i wont be so hot tempered anymore and i'll learn to appreciate and be thankful. I cant wait to see you mummy. HAHA the great one says he cant wait too. You think my mum will like you? lol

You would have been so proud of me, really. I've officially stopped shopping online. Hahaha i think it's been more than 2 weeks already. You know i would give up anything for you. AND AND AND i topped the cohort for organic chem test with a 39.5/40. The first thing i thought of doing was to sms you and share the joy with you so but sadly i cant. I know you'll be so proud of me though cos chem has always been your strongest science. Remember how you used to tease me when i say i can smell carbon monoxide? I still think it's funny lol.

AND to Donna's friend, I know you wont read this but please stop asking her for my number. Stop calling her and smsing her like zillion times a day. I wont give you either if you asked. I know i'm mean but this is so superficial okay? PERIOD.

5:57 AM;

Okay i actually edited this post cos i realised how silly i sound. tsk tsk.

Bonjour! I heart sundays cos i get to go church! Went Church of the sacred heart today and it's really beautiful.. You'll feel like you're in heaven. (: Father Paul tells me today that God has plans for me so i shall not be so upset anymore.

Often when we pray and our prayers do not get answered, we give up on praying. I myself got drifted away from God and it was a dread to go church every Sunday. For now, i enjoy every moment in God's presence cos that's where i feel at peace.

Anyway, the great one has been really sweet and always there be it whether i'm happy or sad. The little one wants you to know she really appreciate whatever you've done, from buying porridge when she's sick to lending her your psp which she doesnt know how to use. Please cheer up also okay? God has plans for you too!

O my God,because you are infinite goodness
and worthy of infinite love,
I love you with my whole heart
above all things,
and for love of you
I love my neighbour as myself.
I forgive all who have offended me
and ask pardon of all whom I have offended.

Amen.

8:05 AM;

Hello. It has been a tough week for me with all the retests and everything but luckily they were okay.

I'm granting you your wish my dear after thinking for so long. I'm quite tired already. I've lost 3kg in 2 weeks which is not very funny at all. I dont know if u're actually lying when you said you dont like anyone now. It's quite comforting i must say but i cant trust you anymore cos you lied. Whatever you told me on msn was a white lie after all just so that it wont affect my term tests. Seriously i've never thought that you would lie to me about being with me after you're cured.

You dont have to be my friend just cos my mum asked you too cos i know that's against your principles. Thanks for being so nice. I was really happy when you called the other day, only to find out that you called just cos my mum called you. I'll disappear from your life, really, if that will make you happier.

You started explaining why you needed a close female friend to talk to and understand you so i asked why cant i be the one? You said no i cant. I'm your gf of 2 years and you would rather confide in her than in me? That shows everything already. I am quite gullible to actually believe you both are still pure friends now and that you'll come back to me no matter what. You dont know how much it hurts when you said she's more obliging and less hot tempered, really. I swear you broke my heart. I've never compared you with other guys because i love you for who you are. You're such a jerk. :(

Everyone is telling me to stop being so stupid already after all those mean words you've said but i told them i cant. I know it was my fault and i wanted to make it up to you for not appreciating you, hurting you and breaking your trust. I really went all out for it and i've never felt so depressed before in my life. To think when i was suffering and trying to win back your heart, you're having the time of your life with another girl. I'm not so noble you know. Now i know it's time for me to let go already cos it's not worth it. I'm sure you'll regret it one day, for not appreciating me and what i've done. Hopefully it wont be as painful as mine cos regrets are the worst thing in life. I dont want to call you names anymore but I HATE YOU for hurting me this much.

8:47 PM;

I've thought about lots of stuff. Seriously my head is splitting even when i'm typing this. I dont know if you still read my blog but i just wana say sorry to you for always mentioning the breakup word. I know how much you hate it and yet i didnt care about your feelings at all. I'm childish and selfish cos i'm always saying it at a moment of anger. I'm really sorry and i realised my mistake a little too late i guess.

Secondly, i guess i've been really stubborn and headstrong. Even my mum says so and i'm always denying it. I just realised how much you loved me and how bad i am at showing my love for you. I know i'm always not making you feel secure at all. But deep down in my heart, i really do love you. I guess i expressed it the wrong way. I'm such a bad gf after all. I promise i'll change for my own good. I'm sure u'll find someone a zillion times better than me. You have everything a girl wants.

I'm sure you dont know how much it hurts me when i had to listen to your conversation with another girl in your car for half an hour. My heart almost died. You dont know how painful it is when you said you would rather get another gf who's more obliging. I really wouldnt hurt someone i love like that.. so i guess that it's true you dont love me anymore.

I've tried my dear, to make up for everything ever since we broke up. I really tried very hard to make it up to you, to prove to you i'll be a better gf.. but i still lost the battle. It was a painful battle and i really thank all my friends who've been there for me all the time. They said i've always been the strongest among all but this really brought me down. You dont know how important you are to me. We've been through the toughest times together. I just want us to try once more. I know you've lost your feelings and stuff but i just want you to give me one more chance to prove to you that we'll be alright. I just dont want us to regret few years down the road. At least if we didnt work out, we did try right?

I've been acting like a zombie these past few days. Wn's words actually knocked some sense into me. I think maybe i should let you go. I really tried baby to salvage this relationship. If u're reading this, i really love you andrew. Give me sometime, and i'll take off the ring you gave me for our 2nd year anniversary. I still remember the scene at vil'age restaurant. It was really sweet of you. I hope you have some good memories of us even though i'm such a bad gf. Thank you for holding on to our relationship till now. I know you want to abide to your principles. If only you would change for me, you can bring a smile back to my face again.

For now, i just want you to be healthy and happy, even if it's dating other girls. I cant stop you from getting a new gf either. I dont think i can accept it if we get back together again after you've gotten yourself a new gf and broke up with her. It'll probably be haunting me all the time.. and i dont want to be treated as a substitute either even though i want to be with you so much. Actually i know you wont come back for me already, but you were nice and all cos you didnt want to hurt me.

Sorry Andrew for everything, for loving you the wrong way to having the worst temper a girl could ever have. I really want you to know i do love you despite all these.

This photo was taken damn long ago using your lousy hp. haha we were so cute and innocent, no?

I bought this top long ago thinking i can wear it out when i'm with you but i doubt so anymore.

Goodbye.

8:31 PM;

8:22 AM;

To YOU:
You have always said that you love me more than i do. Now i can safely say that it's the other way round. Not because i lost you. It's because i've learn to love you for who you are.

You are always in my prayers and you dont know how much i want to go through this with you. You've always been my pillar of support and i've not really done anything for you. I know you wont listen to whatever i say now but i'll pray for you all the time for you to get well cos it's the most important thing now. In the meanwhile, keep safe baby boy while i'm not there with you. You know i'll always be watching over you.

3:37 AM;

7:19 AM;

7:26 AM;

Now i dont know what's wrong with you la. I already told you i'm not irritated or whatsoever right so why do you still thinking that i find you irritating? You did something which hurt me a little. Now, someone please tell me what to do. It's like 2am in the morning and i'm talking nonsense.

8:18 PM;

I seriously think i'm too kind for my own good. I'm always the kind soul who's paying for everything first be it project materials or even class notes. and NOW, nobody takes the initiative to pay me back! They always give stupid reasons like they're damn broke. THEN has anyone spared a thought for me? I PAID $25 for the project materials and $32 for class notes so am i not more broke than you do? You all really think i print money right, wtf.

It's really unfair, cos when you're nice, everyone start stepping on your toes. At the end of the day, no one remembers what you've done. But i really appreciate those who pays up fast when eugene asked them to. *hugs* i love you ppl!

Did i mention i'm done with OC project, like finally? woohoo! I'm rather satisfied with it because it looks really neat and decent. I'm in charge of drawing on the board and i have strangers coming up to me and tell me my handwriting is beautiful! I laughed it off but that was sweet. (:

Sorry i think i'm quite emo nowadays, even juikern says so. Thanks for always accompanying me and being there. Really appreciate it! *hugs* And juikern you have really lame aka funny friends who never fail to cheer me up with their friendliness and stupid jokes. HAHA and i'm not a friend stealer okay. That's such a wrong word to use.

Daddy left for overseas on thurs so here i am alone again! I'm deprived so i think i need some shopping and movies. I cant even remember the last movie i watched so that's how bad it is.

Donna's been really down these few days and i dont know what can i do to cheer her up. I hope she'll be fine soon. I'm always here my dear girl.

I seriously dont know whats wrong with you but i hope you'll be fine soon, really. I'll be praying for you everday even though you're like so mean to me. I dont know, maybe you didnt do it on purpose but i'm hurt. hah like what you said, i get hurt easily, no?

Before i forget, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY to ESTHER and 21ST BIRTHDAY to VIVIAN! Hope you both have a blast on your birthday! It's 07/07/07 today bytheway. (:

Okay this is such a longgg post i shall stop. PEARLYWURLY, if you read this, can we please meetup soon?! I've got 101 things to tell you. (:

maybe you'll come back for me, one day.

11:26 PM;

Now i dont know what's wrong with you la. I already told you i'm not irritated or whatsoever right so why do you still thinking that i find you irritating? and i really feel weird cos you always tell me how much you think of her. I think you really do miss her alot. Now, someone please tell me what to do. It's like 2am in the morning and i'm talking nonsense.

7:19 PM;

SCHOOL IS KILLING ME. I seriously think i'm getting old. I cant survive school from 8 to 6 without my eyelids having a battle of whether to open or close.

I'm quite upset recently because of some friendship issues. I think i'm just thinking too much but i cant help it cos i put in alot of effort when it comes to my friends so i expect the same in return. This song is dedicated to you, once my bestie. You know who you are.

7:45 AM;

8:37 AM;