"It's not about being who everyone else wants you to be. It's about being yourself & finding someone who loves every bit of it!"
The talk with Father Johnson was great. I was really nervous when i sat down at his office cos there's this look in his eyes that spells scary and even donna is afraid to talk to him.Yes we tend to judge people too quick and that's one thing i learnt from him as well. We talked about love, relationships and everything. I find it so easy to tell him my thoughts and feelings cos somehow i feel that he has this fatherly figure. He told me stories which made me tear but also jokes which made me laugh as well. I walked out of his office feeling more free than ever. It's a feeling that you'll never understand.
Love is not a feeling. I am convinced. Thank you Father. :)
The Earth says Hello!
Hello HUMANS! School starts for me today but because there's no tut/lab for the first week i get to rot at home till 3. haha i realised i didnt mention about my results for last sem at all. It was horribly disgusting if you want to know.
:)
zach got us krispy kreme all the way from melbourne! And he made me wear the silly hat in lecture.
xxx says:
haha. well, we have many years in front of us.
xxx says:
even till we are both old, i still can wheel my wheelchair over to your seat over at the nursing home, and u can continue telling me about all this.
xxx says:
i'll still listen.
CHARLENE says:
i feel really lousy u know :(
xxx says:
dont compare urself to her
xxx says:
gosh. u wont pale beside her even
xxx says:
well. if he could stay with u for 2years, thats something magical within you, of course.
xxx says:
if not u would just be another pretty face down the street.
xxx says:
you had something magical that made him stick with u for 2 years.
xxx says:
and that may not be something she is capable of?
I swear you made me feel so special i was on the verge of tearing. Hello mister, you're leaving for aussie on mon already please do take care! 32 days will be very very fast okay? :) Now i've learnt to stop blaming myself. I already knew my mistakes and i've done so much just so i can make it up to you but i'm not even sure you can see how sincere i am. Can you? I gave you my k1 cos i know you would really love to have it even though i could have kept it for myself. I wonder if i even come across your mind when you use it. Will you be the one who's gonna wheel your wheelchair over to my seat instead? You told me you dare say i'm the girl you love the most in the world. But now, you only remember all my bad points dont you? What about my good points and the happy times we had together? What about all the rough times i've been through with you? Is it something so easily replaceable by someone else? If yes, then good for you. Don't blame me. You chose to let your heart stray while mine stays. Yes i admit it still hurts, very badly indeed but i know God's carrying me through this and he'll never abandon me. That's more than enough :) And i wana thank God to have met you almost 3 years ago, cos without your love, support and encouragement, i wouldnt be who i am today, and i mean it. You're amazing to me.
I swear i have the best daddy in the whole wide world. I've never even able to tell him anything too personal cos i felt weird doing so. I mean like he's a guy after all. Yesterday he asked me out for dinner and i told him everything and how i felt about the boy. I cried and i could see his eyes were red too. I told him how regretful i was for my mistakes and my dad said he wants me to learn from it. He said he knew he was a little harsh on the boy but that's because i never told him what's going on between us. He said he'll be happy and supportive if we wants to get back together as long as the boy can take care of me and doesnt bully me. Aww i love you daddy. He also told me this might be an endurance test for both of our love for each other and if we can make through this, there's nothing that we cant overcome anymore. I'm really afraid though, but promise me boy, that you'll never give up on me? Cos i would never give up on you no matter what happens and i just want you to know that you can trust that i'll never hurt you again. Everyone reading my blog can be my witness. You can also be assured that i'm the person who loves you the most and unconditionally in the whole wide world and no other girls can beat that. I know that cos even if i have to live in a straw house with you and eat maggi mee everyday, i would still want to stick to you. I know you think i'm silly but thats how i'm feeling right now. I really dont wana rush things but i'm looking forward to the day that i'll be back in your arms again so i can prove to you that i'll be the bestest(I know there's no such word) gf you'll ever have :) Please dont let me wait too long cos that feeling sucks. I told daddy i wanted a supplementary platinum card and he agreed. SEE! i told you i have the best daddy. He got me this book 'Battlefield of the mind' and i cant wait to start reading it. He usually doesnt like me to drink bubble tea cos it's so unhealthy but yesterday he asked if i wanted it. I said no though :)))
Some silly guy nudged me on msn and asked if it was too direct for him to ask if he could date me. HAHAHA i know i'm mean but i pretended i didnt see it. booo that was sweet though.
Alright. Let the pictures do the talking.
I gave some stupid excuse to the teacher for not going drp. Dad was supportive cos he knows i really cant handle this now. I have so much things in my mind now but i cant seem to pen it down. Sometimes i realised how silly i can get, by allowing myself to get hurt over and over again. It's like a never ending process. I think there's a love-hate relationship between you and me. I love you for loving me, and i hate you for loving me too. Let's hope my love will get you home boy.
You dont know how much i love you cuzzie. Thank you for talking to me and praying for me. You are so strong i want to be like you. Life's too short to keep my heart in a cage. I less than three you = I < 3 you!
omgzz haha okay please laugh.
Okay i'm back and i've decided to change clothes for my blog. How pretty, yes? hmm.. anyway i'm at loss of words to describe yesterday. You know boy, you're the only one who can make me the happiest as well as the saddest. You always tell me you lie cos you dont wana hurt me but how long do you wana go on hiding things from me? Now i dont know when are you telling the truth and when are you not. What happened to the boy whom i used to trust the most and can depend my life on? And why do i feel that the only reason we are communicating is because of the phone? Maybe it's time you be really honest with me and tell me how you feel, really. It's only fair for me whether it's gonna hurt or not.
I suddenly thought of xmas and all the pretty lightings. This year i'll be spending xmas in sg, like finally.. but i'm so not looking forward to it :((( I only have one wish for this xmas and no, i'm not telling you or else it wont come true. No prizes for guessing though! =D
I think i should stop tormenting myself. I deserve better than that, seriously. :)
yay i'm done with reading the books i bought. I think tales of total forgiveness is really amazing. Imagine a mum could actually forgive the murderer of her own son and even went to visit him in prison. She go to local churches and tell people how to forgive. She take a suitcase with her that's handcuffed to her hands, and on the suitcase are the words "BITTERNESS, ANGER and RAGE" - showing people what they drag around with them if they don't forgive. It's really sad but there is so much unforgiveness within the christian church itself.
I wrote down a list of names of the people whom i wana ask forgiveness from and also whom i want to forgive. Seriously it's easy to come up with all the names, but it's so so hard for me to lower my pride and do it. :(((
What's wrong with people nowadays? They fall in&out of love within 3 mins, change gf/bf like changing undies. Most people have their ideal perfect guy/girl and therefore they go round searching for their other half but most of the time they are disappointed. They dont realise that love doesnt work that way. To love someone is not about finding the perfect person. You dont go like 'I want a guy who is tall, dark, handsome..the list goes on'. More than often, you get a guy who is opposite of your ideal guy. When you love someone, he/she who is imperfect becomes perfect to you because you dont see their flaws at all. Tell me you understand what i'm talking about.
In case you guys are missing me, here's a photo of me. lol
lovelove,charlene
I think my appetite has been growing so much ever since i came back. My dad says he feels like he's feeding a cow. lol went tao with nick yesterday and we had white caramel ice blended with luxury white cheesecake. Deliciously sinful but i'm happy =D There is this really cute guy working at tao and we kept staring at him. lol now i think the guy thinks that nick is gay. how sad.
Did i mention that i cant stand ungrateful ppl? They really get on my nerves. I wouldnt say who in particular but you know those kind of ppl who are nice to you only when you benefit them and when you need their help, they are nowhere to be found. In a not so nice way, they are using you. Gosh, where are all those moral values that we have learnt in school? I'm so so disappointed.
I'm so comfortable staying here i dont feel like going back sg at all. I love the warmth and friendliness of the people around me :) BUT BUT BUT i have to admit i miss my dearies in sg too. fooweyzi i'm gonna steal your tomato from you if you dont get me one. hahaha i think i'm easily satisfied nowadays.
Oh yah before i forget, KOLO MEE IS THE SEX! (((:
Yay i'm gonna learn driving :D nick says he's gonna get me a bimmer if i be his wife. lol nick, i know you're reading this :P anyway, bimmer is how the ang mohs call their bmw. sounds cool, no? i hinted to daddy i wanted a bimmer for my 21st birthday. lol
Here's a little story i wana share with you all.
Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river."
The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand."
"What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father.
"There's a big difference," replied the little girl.
"If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go.But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. :)
I suddenly miss bestie alot. i wonder if he miss me too? i miss talking to you bestie. :(