Saturday, June 27, 2009
I wonder who reads this space still. I am getting lazier nowadays. Have not been running for a week and been eating a hell lot thanks to the people around me who have been feeding more than what i should eat. Anyway while waiting for my paris' bff to load, i read this portion from a book and was pretty amused by it.
And it felt complicated in a way that all breakups feel complicated when you're embroiled in them. While in cruel actuality, most things are quite simple. And it goes something like this : one person falls in love - or simply realizes he was never really in love in the first place, wishing he could take back those words, that promise from the heart. Looking back, I can see that that was likely the case with Leo and me - the simplest explanation is often the right one, my mother used to tell me. But at the same time, I didn't believe that could be the case.
Instead, I hoped for what all girls hope for in my situation that he'd change his mind, come to his senses, realize what he had in me, discover that I couldn't be replaced. I kept thinking, even saying aloud to Margot and my sister, ''Nobody will love him like I love him.'' which I now realize is far from a selling point to a man. To anyone.
I think the reason why I actually found it funny was because, I was almost like that 2 years ago. Scrap that, I was like that 2 years ago. You know, the intensity of those raw aching emotions during post break up. Like how you would desperately cling onto the notion that this is just temporary, like of a trial seperation. You would be like the cliche of all broken hearted women, torturing yourself looking at pictures of you both and listen to sad bitter songs then suddenly burst into random bouts of tears.
But whatever the case is, nothing is ever complicated trust me. They are all simple, direct and unassuming, it's your feelings that makes them complicated. I've learnt that when you let a bird free, then you gotta let it soar because, no birds would fly back to captivity. At least birds in the right state of mind.
Alright, time for me to get some sleeeeeeep. Oh did i mention i'm so effing broke i shall home quarantine myself next week. And yes, 2 more weeks to Perth :)
And it felt complicated in a way that all breakups feel complicated when you're embroiled in them. While in cruel actuality, most things are quite simple. And it goes something like this : one person falls in love - or simply realizes he was never really in love in the first place, wishing he could take back those words, that promise from the heart. Looking back, I can see that that was likely the case with Leo and me - the simplest explanation is often the right one, my mother used to tell me. But at the same time, I didn't believe that could be the case.
Instead, I hoped for what all girls hope for in my situation that he'd change his mind, come to his senses, realize what he had in me, discover that I couldn't be replaced. I kept thinking, even saying aloud to Margot and my sister, ''Nobody will love him like I love him.'' which I now realize is far from a selling point to a man. To anyone.
I think the reason why I actually found it funny was because, I was almost like that 2 years ago. Scrap that, I was like that 2 years ago. You know, the intensity of those raw aching emotions during post break up. Like how you would desperately cling onto the notion that this is just temporary, like of a trial seperation. You would be like the cliche of all broken hearted women, torturing yourself looking at pictures of you both and listen to sad bitter songs then suddenly burst into random bouts of tears.
But whatever the case is, nothing is ever complicated trust me. They are all simple, direct and unassuming, it's your feelings that makes them complicated. I've learnt that when you let a bird free, then you gotta let it soar because, no birds would fly back to captivity. At least birds in the right state of mind.
Alright, time for me to get some sleeeeeeep. Oh did i mention i'm so effing broke i shall home quarantine myself next week. And yes, 2 more weeks to Perth :)